I bet he comes in French.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
