Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Mom said you looked used
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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