Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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