yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
