He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
