dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
