I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
