just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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