I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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