Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
