My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
