Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
