are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You took a bar mat shot.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
