BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
