UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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