remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
