it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
