I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
