Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
