She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
