Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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