I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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