I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
