This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Randomize
