i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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