ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
