Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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