I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
