Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
