We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
