omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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