That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
