wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
