In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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