I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
