Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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