if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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