She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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