She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
How external is "for external use only"?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
