Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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