why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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