btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
