ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
