Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
