was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
