i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
