Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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