I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
