we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
