Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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