In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
