i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
