Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
