I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
